The Monster Within
by RayneKaplan
Summary: This takes place prior to Twilight, as Edward is hunting on degenerate humans. Just trying to fill in some gaps SM left wide open about his change and life with Carlisle. All credit goes to SM, I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Again, I do not own any rights to Twilight or the following books of the saga. That's all works of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just trying to fill in some gaps that she left so blatantly open.

* * *

The smell burned the back of his throat and drove his nostrils in a frenzy. It was the same scent he had been tracking for miles and miles, slowly searching and keeping a fair distance, waiting for the optimal time to strike. Yes, it was strong now. The patter of feet on the wet, stone street was growing louder with each light step he took. Now all that was left to do was wait for the right time to strike. It was close now, he could feel it in his cold veins. Patience was a virtue he had acquired early on in his new lifetime, the lifetime of a vampire. He had all the time in the world to wait, but not enough time to strike being unnoticed.

"AHHH!" The ear piercing shriek echoed among the old, cracked streets from approximately half a mile down the road, judging from the echo. It was time to strike. It was time to make him pay.

In the blink of an eye, he effortlessly took flight in a run at death defying speeds, something coming second nature to him. Every few seconds, he would lift his nose in the air, following the scent lingering in the slight night breeze.

_Yes, _he thought. _I'm close. I'll get there soon. The girl will leave in a mad rush from this abomination of a human and I will be able to feed from his vile body. This makes it justified, the need for the blood. I'm not really taking from a human. I'm taking from an evil creature undeserving of the air he is breathing._He stopped briefly to smell the night air once again, noting that it was in one of the few alleyways that this creature was in. He hissed in pleasure and walked speedily to the one the scent was strongest at. His eyes were filled with sorrow and satisfaction as he reached the end of his hunt. He had found what he was looking for, but the act of which he found it doing was beyond anything justifiable.

Grunting, the man had a woman pinned to the cold, crumbling, red brick wall of a building as he began to try taking advantage of her. The woman, a sheer mess of limbs underneath this large, dirty, overpowering man, let out cries for help that were left deserted and unanswered. Her voice began to die down as exhaustion filled her body and she slowly gave up her fight. The man, with an evil grin stretching across his face, held her up by her neck with one hand and began making busy work with his other, pulling at the woman's clothing and ripping it bit by bit.

"No," the woman let out quietly pleading. "Please, don't do this to me. Not me. I'll give you anything you want, just please stop. My husband is expecting me home. I won't tell anyone about this. Just please, don't hurt me." Her voice shook with fear and she tried bartering with the man for her freedom, her dignity.

"Ya' know ya' like this," the man hissed back at her, his words slightly slurring and his hand still in a frenzy to remove her clothing. "Ya' want this just as much as I want ya'. O', I've longed for ya' for so long. Yer every gaze in my direction as ya' walked throughout the street on the arm o' that pathetic little husband of yers, every smell of yer hair waving in the breeze, I knew I had to have ya'. Now, just be quiet and it will be over soon. Just don't fight. It'll make things easier. Trust me." His voice was rough and the alcohol on his breath could be smelled from miles away. This once friendly town drunk had turned into a monster of massive proportions.

A deep hiss filled the alley as the man began busying himself in rapid, sporadic movements throughout his body. The man looked over his shoulder to see a blinding set of inhumane teeth, glistening in the moonlight, exaggerating their slightly sharpened edges.

_What the hell is going on here? _The man thought out loud to Edward, though the man was unaware of this. _Who does this guy think he is? This is my prize. I'll deal with him later. Just a few more moments.  
_  
This was all Edward needed to hear. After knowing of all the repulsive thoughts that had been going through this man's mind the past few days, this was just enough. He sprang at the man, tearing him from the woman. The woman dropped down to the ground in a large breath of relief and began gathering her tattered remnants of her clothing.

Meanwhile, Edward had what he wanted in his arms. The man struggled, but it was no good in the iron grip Edward had on him.

"Man, what are ya' doin'?!" The man shouted. "I wasn't hurtin' 'er! We was just playin' a game is all! Ask 'er! She'd tell ya' if ya'd let 'er!"

"That seems to be up for dispute, you disgusting piece of filth. You don't deserve for me to even give you the chance to try and explain. I shouldn't have given you the moment to state your lies. You'll die as anything of rubbish does. In pain."

With that, Edward hunched over the man's body with the blinding, acute thresholds of his teeth exposed and, with a low growl, lunged into the man's neck, sinking them into the main artery, and began drinking the burgundy colored blood, not sparing a drop to leave evidence of his attack on the ground. The blood was never sweet, tasting as dirty as the degenerates themselves, but this was the way it had to be. If he was to feed on humans, it would be the outcasts, the egregious beings that performed the most deplorable actions upon others. However, it was human blood and it would suppress the burning in his throat and satisfy his hunger.

He was soon finished and threw the ash white corpse onto the ground. He stood erect from his crouch and wiped the corners of his mouth, looking around cautiously to make sure there had not been any witnesses. His eyes stopped at a horror-struck face sitting against the wall, frozen in trepidation. The woman had not moved from her place since he had freed her from the man's overwhelming hold.

"PLEASE!" The woman's voice was a quiet shriek of terror, unable to fully digest everything that she had just seen. "Please, don't hurt me! I just want to go home!' She pleaded, her face unable to unglazed itself from the frightened disposition.

Edward made his way slowly and guardedly to the woman, his palms facing her in an act of surrender.

"No," he spoke to her, the sheer velvet of his voice caressing the woman's tense body and slowly loosening it bit by bit. "I will not hurt you. You've done nothing wrong to deserve this sort of behavior. Go, now, and be with your husband and try not to recall anything of which happened tonight." He turned from her and left running speedily in the opposite direction, leaving nothing but a faint memory of himself.

_What I would give to be able to control the minds as well as read them, _he thought to himself. _It would make these sorts of things so much easier on me and the victims. _He sighed. He knew he would never have that ability. Even the ability he had was a greatly envied one, for not everyone had these special traits after their changes. Even Carlisle was surprised by it and could not come to a complete conclusion about it. He knew one thing about his special ability, though, and that was the Volturi would love to use it in a heartbeat.

Oh, Carlisle and Esme. He had missed them a great deal, but could not stay with them forever. Just feeding from animals was not enough. It never fully quenched the thirst he had. It never silenced the desires in his mind. He had never wanted to be a killer in the first place, but if he had to then he would do so by killing the repulsive beings instead of the innocent ones. However, if he could go back and change everything, he would.

Edward began running at incredible speeds as he began reminiscing about the change, shuddering every few moments at the pain from the venom. Yes, if he could go back, he would've chosen death.

It was 1918 when Edward had to undergo the excruciating pain of becoming a vampire. Lying on his death bead in a sea of cold sweats, he waited for the bright light to come closer to him. He was aware of the things going on around him, the massive amounts of death from the Spanish Influenza. There was pain there, but it was nothing like the change.

He remembered his mother and father and missed them dearly. His father was lucky, being taken early on from the illness. His mother, however, stayed by his side throughout her pain. Despite the ailment in her body, she fought to keep him alive in every way she could. She was there to lay a cool cloth onto his brow as it beaded with sweat. She was there to hum him her sweetest lullaby tune that she had played for him on their piano throughout his days of growing. She was there to hold his hand as the pain would elevate more and more. She had died by his side, trying to keep him alive, begging fate to spare him.

He remembered Carlisle, the doctor who had volunteered to help when the epidemic hit. Carlisle was there every chance he got. Carlisle tried to keep his mother alive for him, but the influenza made her weak and unable to keep her body thriving. He remembered that his mother pulled Carlisle into her face and, with her last breath, asked him to keep her son alive within every power he withheld.

After Carlisle had taken his mother to the morgue, he made his way back to the hospital area, determined to make good on his promise. When Carlisle had found Edward, he had been on his last few breaths and only had a short amount of time. Carlisle placed Edward on a cool, metal gurney, covered him with a white sheet, and rolled him to the morgue, knowing that he would just be seen as another causality, with fear in his heart for this. He wished this on no one, but he had to keep his word.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered once they were secluded from everyone. "Your mother had me promise that I would keep you alive using any means necessary. I need to share something with you. I am a vampire. I can give you life once again, but I need to know that you are willing to accept this life. You will feel pain far worse than what you're feeling now, but that will be replaced with nothing. You can live as my accomplice in life and my son, but you must be willing to make this change. It is not my decision to make. Are you willing to change from a mortal to a vampire, an abomination like myself, to stay alive in this world, leaving behind everything from your mortal life, and live like me the rest of your life?"  
Edward nodded slightly, signifying that he was willing, but he was just a mere boy of 17. What did he truthfully know about this change he was taking? All he knew was that it would stop the pain he was in, the labored breathing, the never-ending fire raging throughout his body. It was there, in the morgue surrounded by the many corpses the influenza had claimed, that Carlisle had lifted Edward's neck slightly and bit him gently, beginning the change.

The burning sensation filled Edward's body so fiercely, he barely noticed as Carlisle threw himself away from Edward's neck. Edward couldn't make sense of anything, the pain was so blinding. He was no longer aware of where he was, what was happing around him, all he knew what he wished that he had died. And slowly, he did.

Carlisle whisked Edward back to his place of residence while Edward was going through the change, appearing dead to the world. He placed Edward in his bed and slowly waited for Edward to wake up. Minutes went by and Edward did nothing but lay there, eyes closed and body temperature dropping speedily. Hours upon hours passed and there was nothing of response from Edward's cold body. Once the days began to come and pass, Carlisle was sure that he had done something wrong.

_If only I knew what I was doing, _Carlisle had thought to himself. _If only I had more of my kind here, to guide me in this. How could I have been so foolish? This death couldn't have been as dreadful as passing from the epidemic. Never again will I attempt to change a human. I'll forever have his blood on my hands and, for the rest of my eternity, my punishment will be solitude.  
_  
Carlisle waited a week before deciding that something needed to be done with Edward's lifeless body. He had come home from a night of working with the humans who were dying in large amounts and began to proceed the task of trying to give Edward a Christian burial. He walked into his bedroom and saw, to his shock, Edward sitting on the bed in a state of panic.

"Where am I?!" Edward asked incredulously, looking around every which way. "Why am I here? What's happened to me? Who am I? Who are YOU?" Edward demanded answers to all his questions and Carlisle was all too happy to answer them, relieved that he had survived the change.

"Edward, my name is Carlisle. I took care of you at the hospice while your family was dying from the Spanish Influenza," he began explaining. "Your mother, on her death bed, had me promise to keep you alive with all of my being. I obliged to her wishes. You are a vampire, Edward, as am I. I brought you here as you were undergoing the change so that I could keep a watchful eye on you. I didn't think you had made it, actually. How are you feeling, Edward?"

"Hungry," was all Edward could reply. The burning was creeping up his throat rapidly and he longed to put the fire out. "Do you have anything for me to eat?"

"Unfortunately, Edward, I cannot let you prey on humans. At least, not right now. I work at the hospice at night and with it being daytime, you cannot be in the sunlight. However, this home is old enough that the rats make their way in by the multitudes. Please, help yourself." Carlisle looked at Edward with deep regret. He could remember the change, it was an experience he would never forget. He recalled how badly the thirst was and how no animal could quench it better than a human.

Edward hissed at Carlisle, glancing sharply all over the room.

"I hear the beating. I can hear the fresh blood pulsing through their veins. I must have it!" Edward made his way up from the bed and lunged at the window. Carlisle followed just as quickly, catching Edward before he could make his way outside.

* * *

I know some things seem out of place, like the time frame of Edward's change. If you read the books closely, though, you will find that there is no real set time frame for the change to take place. Reviews and such are appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Yep. Still no rights. I'm too poor to own a dime of the Twilight stuff.

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Carlisle hissed as he brought Edward to the ground. Edward had undeniable strength, as expected with being a new vampire, but Carlisle had something more to fight for. His place in the world.

"Edward!" Carlisle cried. "You can not do this! I understand that it's hard to control but you must! I will not let you be the downfall to the life that I've built up here! You will learn! You WILL!"

Despite Carlisle's words, Edward kept the fight going hard. He heard so clearly the hearts beating just outside the paper thin walls. They called to him, taunting him with every beat. He could feel the heat of their bodies radiating and could almost taste the blood flowing through their veins.

"I…must…hunt!" Edward shouted, beginning to fight Carlisle harder. "Let go of me! What right have you to control me!?"

"I have every right, Edward! I'm your creator and it is my job to look after you and make sure you don't go getting yourself killed!" Carlisle gave Edward one final thrust into the floor, shattering the thick, wooden planks into slivers of pine. Yes, Edward stopped as soon as he heard "killed" come from Carlisle's lips. Wasn't that the reason he decided to undergo the change in the first place?

Carlisle loosened his grip on Edward cautiously, staring into Edward's brightly colored, red eyes, hesitant to let go completely.

_He can't go out like this, _Carlisle thought. _His eyes would give him away in a heartbeat. People would track him down and…  
_  
"What's wrong with my eyes?!" Edward asked, accusation put into every word. "What have you done to my eyes?!"

"Edward," Carlisle began, "when you become a vampire, your eyes change to red. You see how mind are a golden brown? That is only because I feed from animals rather than humans. If you feed from humans, your whole eternity you will have piercing, red eyes that give you away in an instant. Wait…how did you…how did you know about your eyes? You surely haven't seen them." Carlisle looked around the room, making sure there wasn't something Edward could've seen his reflection in.

"You old fool!" Edward exclaimed. "You told me! You said I couldn't go out like this, that my eyes would give me away!"

"No, Edward." Carlisle said questioningly. "I didn't say a thing. I did _think _that, but…is that even possible? Could it be?"

"What, you degenerate? What is wrong with me now? As if I wasn't hungry enough, you're prolonging me in my hunt for a meal and my appetite is rapidly growing." Edward, with intensity in his ruby colored eyes, set a glaze that pierced through Carlisle's puzzled face. Carlisle pushed aside his questions for the moment. Yes, there were more important things that needed to be handled first.

"It's nothing that can't be discussed at a later time, Edward," Carlisle told him. "For now, we will go and find something to feed on. Do you care for venison?"

"I do not want a cut of meat!" Edward hissed at Carlisle.

"No, no, Edward. You're not understanding." Carlisle searched for the words to explain. "You see, Edward, I've set up a permanent residence here. We cannot just go feeding from the humans. We must hunt in the woods right behind my home, but we must be discreet, I cannot emphasize that enough. The sunlight is a dead giveaway to our existence. We _must_ be smart about this."

"How can things like we are set a permanent existence?!" Edward challenged, irate from the hunger and exhaustion the change had brought upon him.

"I can explain that later," Carlisle replied. "For now, our main concern is teaching you to hunt. Come, follow me quickly." Carlisle dashed through the back door, barley making a sound, with Edward close behind.

They ran together approximately 10 miles away from the home until they were deep into the woods where no one should find them. Carlisle stopped Edward suddenly and forced him to smell the air surrounding them.

"What do you smell?" Carlisle asked Edward. "What do you hear?" Use your senses. They will tell you what it is and where it is at. We are killers by nature, given extraordinary ways to use our senses."

Edward threw his face into the oncoming breeze and took a deep breath in, letting it linger in his nostrils for as long as he could.

"I smell..blood. I can hear a slow heartbeat. 5 miles south. There's something there."

"Very good," Carlisle praised. "That is a deer. That is what we will mainly be hunting. A deer is a good choice to start hunting. They are swift and silent, like us, but w.e have far more developed speed and agility than they. Now, Edward, let your instincts take over. Track the deer, find it, and feed. It will come second nature to you."

The speed of Edward's legs astounded him, along with his keen senses now guiding him in every direction. His eyesight was clearly impeccable. He could see anything that dared cross his path. His sense of smell was exquisite. He could smell everything around him, though at the moment it was zoned in entirely on his prey. His hearing was errorless and immaculate. He felt as if he could hear things from clear across the continent. Though, he did not have enough time to ponder on these things. There was one thing on his mind alone. The deer.  
He was getting closer, he could feel it throughout his body. The burning had turned to a fire set ablaze in his throat as he hissed with glee. He could almost taste the warm blood on his tongue. He couldn't wait to devour the beast.

He stopped at a jolt, still getting used to his incredible speed, taking cover in a thick bramble that was on the forest floor. Not seconds later, Carlisle was at Edward's side, both of them with their teeth exposed.

The deer rose its head from the grass it was grazing on, most likely startled by the wind trying to catch up to Edward and Carlisle. The deer stood frozen, looking in their direction.

"Now," Carlisle whispered, "you need to play this smart."

"I cannot wait," Edward growled through his exposed weapons.

"You must!" Carlisle hissed back, glancing at the deer to make sure it was still in its scared position. "Edward, listen to me! Jump hard from the ground and expose your teeth. Aim straight for the neck. It's easiest to strike from there. I don't expect you to get it right this time but--" Carlisle was cut off by the swift breeze that was left from Edward. He looked up at the deer and smiled in amazement. Edward had done it. He had hunted and gotten his first meal on his own. Carlisle couldn't have been any prouder. He was never granted the time in life to procreate with a wife as a human, but having Edward made him feel like a father figure. He would desperately try to be the best father he could to him. That is what Edward deserved.

Carlisle went to Edward's side just as Edward was finishing up. He placed his hand on Edward's shoulder, patting it softly.

"That was very good, Edward," Carlisle told him. "I didn't even do that well my first time. Amazing. Perfect strike. Impeccable hunting skills."

Edward took the compliment graciously, with the burning now dying away into small embers. He was very proud of himself. He wiped his lips and was shocked to find that barely a drop of blood was spilt. He was pleased, replete, and full of questions.

After Carlisle found his deer, he and Edward made their way back to the house slowly and cautiously, making sure there was no suspicious behavior between them. Carlisle made it a point to keep Edward and himself in the shade at all cost.

When they reached the house, they sat in awkward silence for a few moments, unaware of what words to really say. Edward's mind was swimming with questions, but he couldn't decide which to ask first. He was so puzzled over everything that was happening. The change from human to vampire was such a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. How could he possibly express them in the human language?

_I wonder what he's thinking, _Carlisle thought. _The silence is almost as dreadful as turning him to a vampire was. I don't even know what to do in this situation. I'm being horribly lousy at acting as a father figure.  
_  
"You know," Edward began, "I can hear you. You may want to keep your thoughts to yourself."

Carlisle looked at Edward, shock written all over his pale face. What was going on? This never happened with him.

"Edward, how do you know what I'm thinking?" Carlisle asked.

"It's rather easy to know when you're speaking your thoughts out loud," Edward responded crudely.

"No, Edward. I wasn't speaking out loud. The thoughts were kept to myself. How are you doing that?" Carlisle questioned.

"What do you mean? Are you implying that I'm reading minds?! You're absurd! What are you doing practicing in medicine? You're absolutely insane!" Edward was confused more so than ever.

"Edward," Carlisle spoke slowly, "you have to understand. This is the first time I've ever changed a human into a vampire. I never even knew my creator. I'm as new to this as you. Please, help me help you. Now explain to me, how did you hear my thoughts?"

"I don't really know," Edward explained. "It was like you were just speaking to me as you do. There was nothing out of place with it."

"So, you're saying that nothing seems like it changes when you hear my thoughts..have you heard anyone else's thoughts? Carlisle pushed.

"I don't _know_," Edward answered, obviously getting annoyed with the situation.

"Okay, okay," Carlisle said with his hands out in front of him in a defensive manor. "I won't push this. However, I'm quite intrigued. I'll have to look into this a bit more in the future, if you don't mind me doing so."

Edward sighed heavily and nodded his head in agreement.

"So," Edward said, "you asked your question. Now let's start with mine. Why can we not be seen in the daylight?"

Carlisle sat back in his chair and contemplated his words carefully, stroking his chin.

"I suppose there's no easy way to really explain," Carlisle said. "The sunlight does not burn us, that's not the concern. In fact, it's somewhat of the opposite. Our skin does something in the sunlight, I have yet to find the cause of this. We shine like diamonds, shimmering lights from our skin onto anything in our path. It isn't something we're able to stop or cover without clothing. It can be quite an annoyance, but you learn to deal with it."

"So," Edward said slowly, "you're telling me that I…reflect…light?" Edward's face churned with disgust. This didn't seem quite right with the vampire persona.

"Unfortunately, yes," Carlisle replied, picking up on Edward's distaste for his answer. "There are a few other things you need to know as well. We're incredibly strong, though I'm sure you picked that up already. Along with our strength, we have amazing speed, smell, and eyesight. The change brought out all of our natural senses and put them working to the best of their abilities. This, however, comes at a price if you want to live as a normal human. You will thirst for blood of course, but if you're looking for human blood I ask that you please do so with caution. I've stayed in this area for a few years and I do not want to have to relocate just yet."

"Okay.." Edward said, processing the information through his mind. "Is that all the main things I need to know? Or are there a few other things before I begin asking other questions?"

"Well…let me think," Carlisle replied, still softly stroking his chin. "We cannot have real interaction with humans. Our skin is terrifyingly cold. You, Edward, must watch what you do for the next 6 months very carefully. Your eyes are burgundy. That is normal for a vampire. However, if you keep living from the blood of animals, the burgundy will fade from red to a brown and then to a golden color. But that choice is yours, to feed from animals or humans. I cannot decide for you. I do ask that if you stay with me, you feed from animals alone.  
There is also the matter of intimacy with human women. With you being 17, I'm sure that you're inexperienced in this already, but I must tell you that becoming a vampire has made that idea nonexistent. With your strength, all it would take is one wrong movement from you and you would kill her. The intimacy simply cannot happen."

At hearing that, Edward growled fiercely and, in a fit of rage, grabbed a hold of the chair he was sitting on and threw it through the back of the house, letting the sun shine through a large, gaping hole and sending speckles of light throughout the room from their bodies.

* * *

Again, reviews are appreciated.  
And much thanks to KristineMcCarty. She's pretty much amazing.


	3. Chapter 3

Yeah, we know I'm not Stephenie Meyer, therefore I still own nothing. Just as long as we have that settled.

* * *

"I'm only 17! Do you realized how much you've robbed me from in life?!" Edward screamed, his booming voice bouncing from the walls and shaking the house. "There are so many things I haven't been able to experience yet! You've taken the ability for me to love! Monster!"

Edward exposed his teeth and lunged at Carlisle, hissing in fury. The attack didn't surprise Carlisle. He had seen this coming sooner or later. Though he already had a feeling it would happen over something, it did catch him off guard for the moment.

Once Edward made contact with Carlisle, he quickly took him to the ground. Yes, Edward's strength was far more than Carlisle had or could withstand. It was luck that Carlisle did not end up broken from this.

"Edward! Please! Hear me out!" Carlisle pleaded. He wanted so desperately for Edward to understand. He never meant any harm to the boy.

"Murderer!" Edward snapped back. Edward was in a fit of rage, fully engulfed in the power of a newborn vampire and unaware of any reasonable thinking, though his mind was clear.

_Edward,_ Carlisle thought, _I know you can hear me, though I'm unaware of why. Just listen, I'm begging you. As a newborn, you have the strength to kill me. Your strength will surpass me for at least your first year. I've seen it. I've hunted our kind with my father when I was a mere mortal. I understand that I've upset you, but you must listen to me. I'm not saying that intimacy will be completely out of your life. You just cannot share that with a mortal. The risks are just to high! Please, listen!_

Edward ceased of the fight against Carlisle, but kept him firmly on the ground, pinned under his hands.

"Explain, then, while you have the chance." Edward told Carlisle.

"You can share that connection with another vampire, a female vampire. Just not a mortal. You may find that sharing the experience with another vampire might actually be better. Another vampire will be far more durable and less fragile than a human. I cannot speak from personal experience, but please just take this as a lesson. I never meant to take that from you."

Edward released Carlisle from his hold on the ground and stood up. Carlisle stood up shortly after, rubbing the back of his head which was sore from the impact. He looked to Edward, but Edward had his face buried in one hand.

"So, you're telling me," Edward spoke, "that I can have the human interaction I crave so much, but I cannot have it with a human?"

"That's exactly what I'm telling you, Edward." Carlisle agreed.

Edward lifted his head, a mixture of pain and sadness washed over his face. He understood what Carlisle was telling him. Carlisle was just warning him about things in this life, he needed the guidance, but this was all so much to take in at one time. To know that he wouldn't be able to marry and procreate with a mortal was devastating to him.

"Carlisle," Edward responded, "I'm not sure I can handle much more today. Not of this. Not knowing that life as I knew it just doesn't exist for me anymore. I had hoped that I could still have some things that I had as a mortal, but now that I realize I cannot, it's a pain too much for me to bear."

Carlisle nodded his head in agreement.

"Once the sun sets, when it's twilight," Carlisle told Edward, "you may leave as you wish, but if you plan on returning her, I ask that you do so in the camouflage of night. I cannot risk being found as a vampire after everything I've done here. I am trusting you with this responsibility. I've seen newborn vampires. Their behavior is very unpredictable and they are quite hard to control. Can I trust you to handle yourself properly?"

Edward nodded to Carlisle, showing him that he was trustworthy and would oblige to his rules. In reality, how could he not? He had no where else to go where he would be accepted for who he is now. People would be chasing him and, though he could out run them, he was not prepared for a fight with people, who may once have been his friends, over his life.

Carlisle made his way into another room of the house, but Edward stayed in the dusty living room, unknowing of what to do next. He began looking around the room, inspecting it more thoroughly than he had before. He hadn't noticed until then that there was a bookcase in the corner, stacked top to bottom with worn, ragged books. He chose one from the many and sat down on the floor, finding it as comfortable as anything else. He inspected the cover briefly, noting how aged the book must've been. The brown leather was faded and the binding was ragged. It had been looked at many times, no doubt. He could barely make out the golden letters on the front, but as he opened the book, he read the title clearly in the black ink on the ivory, thin pages.

_Holy Bible, _he thought to himself. _I never thought I'd read this through, especially now_. He laughed to himself over the irony. The thought of a soulless being reading the Holy Bible was just preternatural to him. He turned the title page and began reading.

The hours quickly passed as Edward finished reading the Holy Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, and picked through the other books occupying spaces on the shelves. He found many medical books that he took interest in. He never realized the complexity of the human body, not that it would be any concern to him now. As Edward placed the last book of the second shelf back in its respective place, he glanced out the window, seeing that the sun had gone down. He could leave now, but did he want to?

What Carlisle had told him about newborn vampires frightened him. Carlisle had helped Edward, after all. Was he really going to put everything Carlisle had built for himself here in their small town for a few hours out of the house in the night air?

As he was thinking this over, Carlisle made his way into the living room with his long, white coat on and an old, black medical bag in his left hand. He looked to Edward, who seemed to be in the same spot as he was left.

"Edward," he said, "I'm sorry, but I must leave you. I'm the only one on the night shift at the hospice and they need me desperately. So many lives have been claimed already, it's quite a shame…" Carlisle trailed off, noting the dust speckles throughout the stale air.

"Have you been reading?" He asked Edward. "I hope you found something of interest to you."

"Why do you have the Holy Bible in your home?" Edward blurted out accidentally. "What does it do for you? Your judgment day has come and gone, hasn't it?"

"Perhaps," Carlisle replied, taken aback by the question. "That is a thought to be argued for an eternity. Some of our kind believe that we have lost our souls to the evil that has filled us, but I disagree with that. I believe that there is a God that cares about us, despite what has overtaken our bodies. We still have a choice in how we want to live our lives, Edward. We don't have to be the monsters everyone makes us out to be. I hope you ponder that."

Carlisle gave a head nod of adieu as be exited the front door, taking a graceful stride. You couldn't tell from first glance that he was any different. That is what Edward aspired to be. He wanted to blend in.

Edward stayed in the home for another hour, trying to decide what he should do with this new freedom he had received. He never felt more like a man in his life. At 17, he had a countless amount of responsibilities, but it wasn't until 18 that others really looked to him as a man in society. This pleased him, to know that he was 17 and fully on his own.

Edward looked outside an uncovered window and the burning arose in his throat that was once subsided. He exposed his teeth for a moment before putting them back, ashamed in his reaction.

_Carlisle was right, _he told himself regretfully. _I am unpredictable. How can I ever leave this house? How can Carlisle trust me so? _The burning erupted. _I must leave for now. I'll go the way Carlisle showed me. I need to hunt.  
_  
Edward took flight through the back door of the house, tracking another deer, and quickly brought it to the green floor of the forest, pleased with his hunting. He was quick, for both his pain of hunger and the thought of the animal's pain.

After he finished with his first meal, he decided that if he was going to go and mingle with humans, he must feed more. It was only logical to him that if he was full, the burning would be suppressed as he walked through the beating hearts and warm blood.

Edward filled himself to the brink of sickness, being overly cautious with the situation his body was going through. The change was still wild within him. He could feel his senses strengthening more and more with every passing minute.

As he reached the house, he stopped and smelled the air to test his theory. It was filled with the delicious smell of fresh blood running through veins. The fire in his throat had kicked up, but it wasn't as fierce as before. He decided that he would suppress it. If he felt the need to feed from someone, he would flee into the safety of Carlisle's home.

Edward finished his walk slowly to the small home and entered cautiously, still unfamiliar with the surroundings. He walked into Carlisle's room and began searching for clothes, as his were tattered and ripped from the hunting he had done. He had found a nice shirt and pants, a pair of well-polished shoes, and looked in a mirror.

His reflection astounded him. He was the same, to an extent. Carlisle was right. His eyes were a piercing shade of burgundy red, capable of catching attention from any angle. His pallid skin was almost glowing in the faint moonlight entering from the window, completely smooth like marble. Curiosity sparked him even more, seeing his outward appearance. He opened his mouth widely and began inspecting his teeth. They were a blinding shade of white, contrasted against the faint pink color of his tongue. He ran his finger over their fine edges, surprised to find that they had become a bit sharpened. They glistened in his reflection, almost too perfect for words.

_So, this is the new me, _he thought to himself. _This is the new me and I can adjust to this. I look no different than what I had been, aside from a few minor changes. This is the new me and I accept it. I will not accept the formula embedded into me, despite all of this. I do not wish to be a monster. I will not be a monster.  
_  
Finally finished inspecting his new outward appearance, Edward made his way to the front door of the house, walking outside nonchalantly to onlookers, but churning with fear inside.

He began walking through his small town, finding that he could see things in a whole new perspective. The people were no longer acquaintances. They were prey and he was the predator. He caught himself licking his lips softly as a new human would enter his sights. He noticed he could no longer stay on the scent of garbage or foods. His sense of smell had grown quite stronger, but only for human blood.

As the town grew quieter into the night, he found it was very hard to control his actions.

_I promised Carlisle, _he told himself. _I promised him and I will damned if I break that. He is trusting me. I cannot betray him._

Edward decided it best that he stop his walk through the down and make his way back to the home. The echo of his feet could be heard throughout the streets on the hard stone beneath his feet. With his hands in the pockets of his pants, he hung his head in disappointment. The walk had put everything into perspective.

He now understood. He was no longer a human and it would take years of practice before he could masquerade as one in their world. The only world he knew came crumbling down upon him in pieces and he was unaware of how to handle it.

He needed to speak to Carlisle.

* * *

As said before, reviews are appreciated. Much love to my partner in crime, KristineMcCarty. She's pretty amazing. You should check out her story about Bella and Jacob, **There's Hope In The Darkness**.


	4. Chapter 4

Edward had finished most of the books on Carlisle's shelf before the daylight began breaking over the little town. He was reading the second to last book, a medical journal on human reproduction and giving birth, when Carlisle had made it home from the hospice, rubbing his head.

"Another few people robbed of their lives from this," he told Edward, who was sitting on the floor, solemnly. "I just wish there was some way to fix it all. It's horrible, the things they're having to go through just to meet death."

Edward nodded. He understood the pain that these people had gone through before reaching their end, but it was nothing like the blinding pain of the change. He felt grateful that he'd never have to go through that pain again.

Carlisle put his arm back to his side, placing his bag down near the door simultaneously. He began lifting off his white coat from his shoulders and slipping it from his arms when he realized that his books had been moved around.

"Reading again? I would've guessed you would've ventured out into the town to see if anything has changed." Carlisle told Edward in slight shock, but with a hit of relief.

"No," Edward told Carlisle, somewhat ashamed. "I left the house. I had to. I hunted in the woods behind here, as you showed me. I fed and fed, trying to kill the hunger I had. I thought that if I ate more than my fill, it could suppress the need to attack the humans. I had to test my theory out. I left late, trying to be as casual and human as possible, but my theory proved incorrect. I tried and tried, but I couldn't smell anything but the blood rushing through the human's veins. It was like a siren, calling me to my own, personal Hell. Oh, how I just wanted to lure one into an abandoned home and--" Edward stopped speaking and hung his head low, far too ashamed of himself to speak to Carlisle about it. "I suppose I must leave you at once," He said after a brief period of silence. "It is far too dangerous for me to be here with you, Carlisle. I will ruin everything you've worked hard for. Having me here with you is not worth the risk."

Carlisle knelt down to Edward's level on the floor and placed his hand softly on his shoulder, his golden brown eyes piercing through Edward's burgundy eyes.

"Edward," Carlisle said in a small, understanding voice, "I've gone through the change myself. I could never be more proud of you than I am now."

Edward looked at Carlisle as if he had gone crazy. Proud of him? After the jeopardy he was so closely putting Carlisle in? That just couldn't be.

"I'm proud because you were able to stop yourself," Carlisle explained, a small smile of joy on his face. "I've never seen a newborn resist the temptation as you have explained. I even had my fair share of a hard time with it. It is not something that is easily done, but you found the strength to do it. Even as a newborn, you are beating the odds and, my boy, that makes me very proud of you. I would love for you to stay with me, but as I said before, you are allowed to leave if you feel that you would rather choose another lifestyle as a vampire than the one I have chosen for myself."

Edward looked to Carlisle with pure love in his eyes. His own father never showed him this much affection for him. His father was about molding Edward to become a businessman, like he was. He was always quick to give things to Edward that would benefit him for a future of riches, focusing him especially on how to use the stock market properly. Rarely was Edward given a hug. He finally felt accepted as a son, that he was loved for who he was rather than trying to be molded into something for the future.

"So, I don't have to leave?" Edward asked almost eagerly.

"No, you don't have to leave unless you wish to," Carlisle replied. "However, I ask that you stay close to our home if you decide to leave, aside from going to hunt. Even though you have shown the ability to suppress your thirst, we shouldn't give you extra opportunities for disappointment. I want this first year to be the easiest it can possibly be. I would never wish that someone suffer a first year as I did, without proper guidance and irrationality."

Edward was overwhelmed with gratefulness that Carlisle was the one who had changed him. He could not picture anyone better to do so than he. He pulled Carlisle into a hug, expecting Carlisle to push him away or stay uncomfortably still. Instead, Carlisle wrapped his strong arms around him and embraced him back.

"Let's hunt," Carlisle told Edward once their arms were back at their sides. "I need to feed and my suspicions are that you must, too."

Edward nodded in agreement, standing from his position on the floor. They both raced out the back door and into the woods, hoping that inside the cover of trees, there would be a great meal waiting for them.

Edward quickly shook the memory out of his head. It was hard enough that he had to leave Carlisle, but remembering everything that Carlisle had helped him through was excruciatingly painful. He was a disappointment to Carlisle after all, he was sure of this.

Edward stopped dead in his tracks as he picked up the smell of something. That was a great distance away from him. He could not tell what it was at that point, but the smell was intense and vulgar. It just had to be another degenerate. He growled almost silently and began running at full speed, determined to catch this horrific excuse of a human. But despite how fast he ran, he couldn't get the memories of Carlisle and Esme out of his thoughts.

_Oh, Esme,_ Edward thought. _I was so glad to have a mother again after Carlisle changed you. I miss you more than words could ever express._

It was just a few years after Edward had undergone the change that Carlisle brought Esme to their newly found home in a different town, starting their lives once again. Edward was fully living from animals rather than humans and doing beautifully as the vampire adjustment. He never fully removed the desire for human blood, but could control it amazingly. He and Carlisle had began to realize their stay in their little town had been too long, as the townspeople became suspiciously aware of their inability to show any signs of aging. Edward was enraged when Carlisle entered the door of 3 bedroom town home, surrounded by many other humans.

"Carlisle! What have you done?!" Edward shouted in a fit of fury. "We're trying to establish a life here! How can we do so when you're turning other humans into the beings that we are?!"

"Edward, please, you must understand!" Carlisle pleaded. "The companionship I have with you is unlike the one I so desire from her. I've aged and my needs have changed. I would like to have a partner in my life to represent a spouse. She was thought to be dead when I found her, but her heart was faintly beating. I needed her."

"And what of her family who presumes her to be dead?! What will happen when they see her body walking throughout the town?! The body they had expected to be buried?! This will never work, Carlisle! I've handled the humans for this long and agreed to a change of address, but you've ruined it all!"

"Edward!" Carlisle begged. "Please, listen! When I found her, I was hunting in the forest and found my way into another town. I heard the human heartbeats, but hers in particular was different. It was much slower, softer, unsteady, and weak. I silently followed the sound in the shadows and found her in the morgue of a hospital. I read her reports and she had jumped from a cliff to her death. She just lost her child and no longer desired to live."

"What right, then, do you have bringing her back to life?" Edward accused, fury gleaming from every angle in, now golden, eyes.

"You don't understand, my boy." Carlisle said, sorrowfully. "When I saw her face, I couldn't resist the feeling I had. She is meant to be my life partner. No one of her family will come looking for someone presumably dead and they will not see her accidentally here. We will be safe."

Edward was hesitant, but refused to argue any further. Carlisle was right, he didn't understand those feelings. Edward wanted desperately to, but never met the correct person. He was happy for Carlisle, but jealousy burned in his chest where his heart was once beating.

Esme's change was hard for Edward to bear. He couldn't comprehend that he was once that bloodthirsty, that unpredictable, that uncontrollable. However, Carlisle knew what to expect and he was prepared. Between Carlisle and Edward, Esme learned how to hunt quickly and precisely, as well as controlling her bloodlust.

Esme quickly took her place as Carlisle's partner in life, as well as a hand into a glove. Carlisle was right, they belonged together. Edward longed for the connection they had. He could see the way Esme and Carlisle looked at each other, with such love and trust, and wondered if he would ever find that.

The one adjustment to having Esme that Edward could rarely handle was the amounts of beds Carlisle and Esme were going through at a rapid rate. As if the strength from Carlisle alone wasn't bad enough, with Esme into the mix, the fragile wood never stood a chance. One night, Esme and Carlisle broke straight through the wall connecting their room to Edward's. Edward was embarrassed for them, but smiled to himself.

_Just like a newlywed couple_, Edward thought, _but with a few added attributes to the mix. I'm glad for them.  
_  
And he was. Esme and Carlisle were inseparable aside from the nights Carlisle would go to work at the hospital nearby. Esme brought new light to Carlisle, making Carlisle even more understanding and loving to everyone, if that was ever possible.

Esme also took the role of mother to Edward quite well. She was caring, loving, respectful, thoughtful, everything a mother should be. Edward loved her dearly.

There was only one mortal thought that Esme carried over to her new life with her. The loss of her child.

_Why, God? _Edward heard her thinking one night as she sat alone, looking at the night sky and admiring the stars. _Why my child? Why me? _Edward could almost swear that he heard her sobbing. Esme never showed her sorrow outwardly, though. She would never bring anyone down if she could help it.

Esme and Edward had a great relationship, as son and mother. Esme adored Edward for all he did and complimented him daily on his hunting skills, his level of intelligence, and his compassion for others. Edward adored Esme for filling the void he had felt from day one of his change.

Edward began running faster in the light of the moon. He could not keep Esme and Carlisle in his thoughts any longer. It just made the act of him leaving that much harder. Day after day, he contemplated the idea of returning to them, but was held back by the thought of their disgust to him.

"What a disgrace!" He knew they would say. "Feeding from humans after all he's been taught! Such a disappointment to you, Carlisle!"

Edward just knew that they could never forgive him for choosing the lifestyle he had. It was out of the question. He was an abomination, a monster, now. He couldn't return. There was no way.

Edward stopped 10 miles from the nearest town and took in the cool, night breeze. He was sure he was close, but the smell began moving and pulling away from him. He sprinted hard into the town until he was within the limits. He began walking hastily through the empty streets, smelling and searching. The smell had left a fair distance, but it was still strong. The human hadn't left too long ago.

He walked slower at a leisurely-like pace, turning his head to the right and left, when his eyes fell upon the sight of a small lump laying at the edge of a dead end road. That was where the smell was last, he was sure. He went to inspect what had happened, but as he got closer and was able to see the features clearer, he halted.

_No, _he thought. _It can't be.  
_  
He walked to the lump and picked it up slightly. An arm fell and hung heavily to the ground. It's head rolled so that he was now face to face with it. It was a corpse. A female corpse.

Edward dropped the body to the ground and cowered away, visibly disturbed at the sight.

_No! _He thought. _It can't be! She's already passed! It can't be her! Not Sophia! Not my Sophia!_


End file.
